I have been receiving Mother’s Day greeting since last week. I puposefully ignored most of it because I didn’t feel much for the holiday. I felt a twitch in my heart knowing it’s Mother’s Day and I am not with her – my BunnyMunchkin.
At almost the same moment I was feeling the mommy-blues surround me. I was thinking; “What the hell am I far from her for, if the purpose for doing so isn’t even met!?!” I was frantic and sad all at once. I was thinking she deserved something better…or maybe even someone better. I began to wonder how other mom friends are able to endure such separation. I seem to be hardly thriving and it’s just a year!!! I have even managed to go home to her very so often compared to my other mom friends.
My mom friends in the same long-distance parenting have given really nice and encouraging words for me. They reminded that our children were the reason of decisions we are making. And yes, sometimes the decisions can be hasty; but a mother can never be blamed they say (add to the aggravating factor that I am on a solo-parent status). The choices were leaps of faith. And truthfully, our children were the ultimate source of strength and inspiration every single step and day. But no matter how encouraging, it continued to feel sad that Mother’s Day was coming and I’m not with my little love. Every sigle day is a little sadder without her (Of course!!! Do I even need to mention that?) It’s a given.
However, my heart kinda lightened up after seeing a video-clip from Kristina Kuzmic. She has a series of “truth-bombs” that are so absolutely TRUTHFUL!!!! They gently nudge on you. On one video, she spoke about what the kids will remember. It sturck a chord in me. It was like, at that very moment, I was thinking of all the hardships and difficulties our relationship as mom-and-daughter were having. Those thoughts spin in my head almost always. I worry about not being a good mom. And Kristina was absolutely right in saying that the kids don’t seem to look at that angle. My BunnyMunchkin always seem to find happiness in our exchanges. She rembers when we play “Guess-what-am-I-thinking”, “I Spy” and even finds it so amazing how we are doing her homework via Viber chat. She constantly assures me, “that I’m the best Mom”. What the hell was I so frantic about how she’ll see me? She sees me wonderfully and THAT IS ALL THAT MATTERS.
It sank deep when I recalled how my little Love remebers our old apartment and can run down memories she found so endearing about that place. How we played picnics in the garden, how she climbed the tree and did treasure hunts around the place picking up screws, nails, lead and what-have-you’s. In fact, it choked me to tears…because what I remembered during our stay in that apartment were the tough moments of being a solo-parent. I was actually just sulking in self-pity. She saw how wonderfully we shared moments.
Somehow, like socery work or something, the whole Mother’s Day week was woven itself together to pull myself in one solid piece for the day itself. And yeah…it still is sad that I am not by her side; but I am comforted by the knowig her love and mine can withstand distance – love always, near or far.