Inspired by yesterday’s post; I decided to write about being that; being that young person once. Yes, I was once an eight year old too…once upon a time.
Right now, what rings in my head is our famous Filipino adage; “Papunta ka pa lang, pabalik na ako”. And yes, we have heard that specifically on moments we got our scolding from our own moms.
Looking back at my eight year gives me squints and pouts. Looking through the old photos didn’t help much either. Well, for one, I don’t really have much pictures. I don’t know if my parents really took lesser pictures of me (cause, I was gawky and all) or some photo thieves got them off the albums (on a foresight that I might get famous someday and they can use it as blackmail…lol).
Then, as I was putting this thoughts together here, I remember my daughter. She would always ask; “Who’s the prettiest?” or “Who has the prettiest face?” and I’d quickly respond with a big “YOU”. Her face would crumple up and tell me she isn’t pretty. Then, she’ll tell me I am the prettiest. And I’d try to convince her she is prettiest but it will go to no avail. So, O.K. we are on that same note now. She doesn’t find herself pretty, as much as I didn’t find myself so at that same age. I was once eight years old too.
Back then, I saw myself looking like a boy. I so looked much like my older brother. He had friends teasing me from their red school (bus) service. They would scream our surname and tease me for getting dressed quickly and as a girl at that! Some would shout that they just dropped me off our house. So, I was not a pretty girl. I was a boy. I looked like a boy!!! And boys weren’t pretty. So, I tried to convince my parents to let me grow longer hair by age eight. But it didn’t help much. I still looked like him and I looked like a boy.
But…I don’t know where my daughter’s “I’m not pretty” thoughts are coming from. She doesn’t get told she looks like a boy. She would never tell me why she think of herself as “not pretty”, either.
Our similarities seem to end there. Cause, there are more things we have differently. My daughter has more confidence. She isn’t as shy and timid as I was during lower grades. She is also more sociable and friendly than I was. And well, she is a lot messier than I (I have always had my slight OC-ness since young age).
Again…I was once an eight year old too. I remeber feeling inadequate and inferior on some things at this age. I questioned my abilities and looks and try to measure up against others (Psych perspective: Industry or Competence vs. Inferiority). And because, papunta pa lang s’ya (She is just getting there) and pabalik na ako (I am about to return or go back), I will be her mommy-teacher acting as coach, helping her build on her competence.
Nota Bene: I had wanted a different picture of me roughly at the same age…but she refuses for me to use it beside her. She hates the picture because I look like a boy. She doesn’t want me seen as “boy”. But here’s to prove my point that I did look like a boy 😛